English As A Second language ( ESL )

Adjusting to problems in the U.S.

by Jolin Chang, Valley High Adult Education, Dublin, California

Moving to the U.S. was a difficult decision and also a life-changing event for my family. I emigrated from Burma to Taiwan when I was fifteen years old. I adjusted pretty well because I was very young at that time. But I didn't adjust well this time. That's why sometimes I felt unhappy living in the U.S.

First of all, “communication” is a main problem I have. For example, “eye-contact” is so different between Chinese and American cultures. In Taiwan and Burma, I shouldn't stare at the elders while talking because it's not polite; however, I have to look at the person whom I'm conversing with in the U.S. “Verbal communication” is the most difficult thing for me. I'm so nervous when I'm talking in English because I can't talk like an adult and that always made me feel very embarrassed. I am especially afraid of talking with strangers on the phone. Even though I understand what they are talking about, I couldn't respond correctly right away. That also made me feel frustrated. My English may improve much faster if I talk to my children in English at home. If I do that, they may lose the opportunity of speaking Chinese. I want them to keep their mother language and know where they originally came from. Also, it will benefit their careers in the future. So there are some paradoxical situations in my life here.

The next adjustment is about “tradition and culture.” Most immigrants have a bicultural background; we have two identities, two languages, and two cultures. Because of these reasons, sometimes I feel like I'm living between the border of the traditional culture and the contemporary culture. Due to growing up in a conservative and typical Chinese family, I need to show filial piety to our elders and obey what my parent decided. We never ever had a chance to talk back to my parent. To tell the truth, I can't stand it if my children talk back and don't appreciate what I have done for them. Most Chinese are trained to be modest and humble; however, here we can hear parents and teachers overly compliment. “You are great!” Excellent!” “I'm really proud of you!” Sometimes I question these practices. I know Americans are very discreet; they know how to encourage people and don't hurt people's feelings. But for me, I'd rather to hear the truth from my children's teachers because I want to know “how are my children doing in the class?” “Do they need help to enhance their studies?” I also perceive that American parents tend to give their children more freedom in speaking, choosing their hobbies, careers, and marriage. On the contrary, Chinese parents like to interfere more in their children's decisions. Most American children are well-trained to be independent while Chinese are more protective their children. Now I'm wandering about raising my children in more a Chinese way or more American way!

Adjusting to “the concept of value of life” is another big problem for me. In comparing my personality in Taiwan and in the U.S., I'm aware that I have changed a lot. I was very self-confident and independent in Taiwan; I could do everything or go anywhere if I wanted. Now I've lost my self-confidence and have become nervous, anxious, and less independent in America. Because of having the language barrier, every time I go to see a doctor or have a conference with my children's teachers, I need someone to accompany me to embolden me. In Taiwan, I was playing different roles like mother, wife, daughter, and career woman. I knew who I was; I probably knew where I was in my career. I felt so important to many people; however, my status here is only a stay-at -home mom, I am only important to my children. Suddenly, I lost my identity and value. I think that's why Hegel said, “Life has a value only when it has something valuable as its object.” Then, I force myself to accept Joseph Epstein's saying, “We decide what is important and what is trivial in life.” Definitely, my children are my world to me. I set my mind upon taking care of them and helping them study. I would even give up everything including my life for them. Were it not for them, I would still stay in Taiwan to seek my personal goals and achievements. Even though I don't have a job here, I'm weary in body and mind. In order to be a capable mother for them, I stay up late every night to study English. Therefore, if they don't listen to me and don't achieve a very good result at school, I will be very upset.

Life is not easy in the U.S., especially for those middle-aged immigrants. Sad to say, many of us maybe have professional experience, like a physician, an engineer…but we still need a certificate or a license to get into these realms here. To turn over a new leaf and work harder than before are very common phenomena. In one word, there is no prognosticating affairs of human life. No matter how adverse the circumstances are, I must adapt myself to them. I believe, “God never shuts one door but he opens another.”